SAHM: Thankless Endeavor (For me )

Being a Stay at Home Mother (SAHM) was not a choice. But it happened as I am not allowed to work due to the Visa limitations in this country. I might have chosen to be a SAHM after the birth of V. May be?! Who knows.

Being a SAHM is very taxing to my brain. I am always planning. I am planning what to cook, when to eat, what to buy, when to clean, when to wash, when to vacuum, when to feed, when to give him a bath, when to put him to sleep, when to wake him up, when to play, what to play, what to watch, when to poop and what not. Every step I take my mind is running, so that I know the next second would be comfortable for the little one or his dad. All these things get done in a routine of its own through multi-tasking.

Prepping is an important part of motherhood. I make my cutting, chopping, soaking, cleaning etc in advance so that I need not do the taxing-my-brain part, I mentioned earlier. But this  involves thinking. I have what is called a mommy brain, where in I forget important stuffs, but not the silly things. Every time I sit to eat, V either drops his food, bumps his head, falls down or wants to poop or invariably wants to have what I am having and finds it spicy and there I go washing his hand , mouth and face. Cutting my finger and burning my hand, having headaches and forgetting something important is a common thing which I learnt to forgive myself for.

Me time is a fantasy. I sit with my phone in the bathroom, not with any purpose. There has to be a knock asking me where something is or 'Amma, please come out and play'. My baths are 3 minutes, Its not a joke. If i take more then that, it means V is sleeping and I want a break.  I have always felt being sick, can be draining. No! Have you had a sick child? Nothing more weary then that. Irony is I am sad that he is not his running, happy, never-tired kid. Moms life :)

In between all this, where am I appreciated? Where are my needs met? Where are my compromises respected or made note of? Where is my sickness afforded? Its like how in an office when you are always regular no one notices, but 2 days you are late or leave early, everyone frowns. I did that. I have taken a holiday of sorts, when i did not even make my bed or keep the cup away. But it was just too much work the next day, so eventually I stopped.

Yeah! Sometimes I become that needy nagging woman, when I am ready to breakdown. I seriously keep my mom-crown to the side and let go. But the perfectionist in me starts to workout again and I take the ride...

Regards
v

Vedu Chronicles - Little Helper

Organizing and cleaning my home and room has been my forte. A cluttered room causes unrest in me. But that does not mean my home or room is always clean.

With V's birth I realized how messy a home can get, how busy I can be and how finicky I am about clean home. Till he was two there were two things I could not come to terms with- I will not be getting my 7-8 hrs undisturbed sleep and a clean home for 1 hr. The interrupted meals due to baby crying, eating, shitting etc are just bonus. But the first too were just too much. It's only after his 2nd birthday I realized that not accepting and coming to terms with it were causing too much stress in me. 

It began fun with this toddler helping in folding clothes, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming , chopping veggies, stirring pots and pans, emptying dish washer ! These two little legs and hands became busy body trying to impress me. It was fun to sit back and see him following the routine which he unconsciously was observing me.

For instance last night I was washing utensils and this little one wanted me to read him the night time book. I told him 10 minutes and he went away. He comes back with the broom and starts sweeping the kitchen floor, emptying the dust pan and getting his water bottle for a refill. He did not do anything the way I wanted to but the very thought he put behind it filled me up with joy.

The one thought which has always crossed my mind is to make V realize that there is no women chores and men chores. He has seen that at home so I am sure this will not be a daunting task for me to carry. My acha has always helped Amma in his little ways and same with R during weekends when he is home he does his share. The enlisting of chores at home made sense in olden ages with men were out working and ladies stayed back home. Now when both of them are working whether at home or out there, this nullifies the division of work. 

I witnessed this situation at a person's home, when a boy wants to help and mother does not give him any job but the sister is asked to sweep the verandah. And Aunty told me, "He is a boy." I was stunned. That does not make him any special as both of them were studying for their exams. Just like how they ask does the girl know to cook, why not ask the same question in reverse? Does she know to take care of home? Does he know too?

Love

V

(I don't edit my post after writing :) So forgive me for the errors I did not intend on making.)

Rains, Tea, Routine and Little star...

With the rain comes this innate desire to sip a hot cup of tea. Yes! Its raining heavily with the company of thunder and lightning. I love it when the brightness in nature dips giving us a forecast of heavy rains on its way. A tea-addict that I am, what more does one need. Ambience is set. Vedanth is busy rowing his make-shift boat of a diaper carton and having a whale of a time. I love it when he plays on his own, not only does it give me time to finish off my chores or just sit, but it also blossoms his creativity whole bound. He talks to his imaginary friends and includes all the people who has been mentioned or been in his life. The moment he sees me, then it goes, boom!

Having a toddler running around is one thing which keeps me in the moment and yet my mind goes like a planner. I have to accept that it indeed is tiring as Vedanth is yet to sleep through the night and wakes up like the Sun. He better continue this to his schooling days :) The waking up I meant. And then making bed, listening to him talk-talk, brushing my teeth first so that he has time to observe me doing it, so it becomes less war-ish to brush his, and getting the breakfast ready, having it, cleaning the area, skyping back home and then is when Mr Vedanth begins his play. I go on to chat with amma, prepare a cup of tea and listen to her, watch her cook, or exchange the gossips of the day... then I start cooking, with tips and tweaks from her and she goes off to sleep. Then chat with either my sister, other family or friends back in India. It is funny how a conversation can decide the mood of the day.  Mornings I am on India timings.

Evenings are kind of laid back. This is the time when I do my spiritual practice, which may be a 10 min meditation or a 40 min (Sudarshan Kriya and some yoga). These minutes are properly overseen by my busy toddler, who find his mother more lovely, then other times, as I am showered with kisses, hugs and calls of Amma! Amma! until I open my eyes and look at him and smile :) Hey! Atleast something is better than nothing ... Thats my policy. This has helped me put a check on my temper, energized my system and have a jolly day in totality. I try to squeeze in reading too in-between all this, as I love reading and don't want to loose touch with it ...

So now over to my son, who has moved on to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star :)

Love
V

Tennesee Tryst...

Vedanth is 18 months and he keeps me busy. But he is not the reason for me not being active on blogging though I would happily put it all on him. In between the last post and this post lots have happened, which thanks to mommy brain, I have forgotten. We shifted from our old apartment to the new one, had my in-laws with me, went back to India as Viji was getting married, came back, homesickness and was getting into the routine of full-time Mom. I actually love it. Babies love routine! Me too! But I am bored the second day of the routine... :(

Now we are here in Tennesee as R has his project going live here and he had known that he would not be able to fly down to Chicago for two weeks. So we planned a road trip with little one in the back and reached here safely and happy. With an infant, its funny how fast we converted this apartment into a home. Baby-safe home :). So quick that the next day early morning breakfast was Hot Dosa with Vedu's favorite Cilantro-Mint Chutney. He did miss his home back in Chicago after the initial hullabaloo. 

There are things I wanted to blog about but I am blocked by my mind. Its funny how, when something happens, my mind goes, "Woah! you should blog about this." And then laziness takes over. When I am actually free, I sit idle. Day-Dreaming. Its so nice to do nothing, though initial minutes go in contemplating how do i have nothing to do :P

Today I took the flashy laptop of mine from the dungeons, wiped it connected it and decided I will blog. So thats an achievement. If this is not, what is?

Anything you want me to blog about? 

Love

V

Stereotypes at its High- a vent!

As a couple when we step into the next turn of our life as parents, along with everything comes the stereotypes associated with 'parenthood'. Right from the period of pregnancy, through the labor and afterwards,R has been a very involved and all encompassing husband along with being a dotting father. The very fact that he did not want me to go to India for my delivery owing to his consulting job and absence throughout the week, so that he can be there when lil V makes his entry to the world says a lot about him as a person. Touchwood!

The amount of stereotypes we faced here in USofA was comparatively minimum as opposed to India.  Swaddling the baby, putting him in the car-seat, getting him home, putting him to sleep, wakeful nights, changing diapers, being spat at, being pooped on etc has been jointly experienced by both of us. Lil V has been quite an active baby especially in the night. So it gave us ample of opportunities to work together ;)

I remember an instance in India when the basic conditioning glared at me. It was a busy day with everyone shopping and chatting away at a marriage home. Owing to the change of environment, the number of people and being sick, lil V was quite cranky. After feeding him, R said to me that he would put him to sleep. I agreed and V slept off. As soon as I come out one of the relatives comment that, 'Oh! Does R put V to sleep always?' to which I smilingly reply 'Sometimes :)'. That evening R too decides to go shopping with everyone when one of the other relative taunts if Vini will be able to manage the baby all alone as R will not be there to change his diaper or put him to sleep. I am not sure if it was my hormones or my short-temperedness, I got very angry, but chose to be silent.

But this got me thinking. Everytime I mention to them R is bathing the baby or putting the baby to sleep, the next conclusion drawn is, "What do I do then?".............. a vent, as I mentioned :)

Ventful

V

Morning sickness- A big Lie

I never thought that the previous write-up would be so fun-a-read. Many of my friends messaged me their birth stories, and I realized that only when told would it remain. Every birth is a story in itself. Thank you all for encouraging me to blog.

Shalini Ma'am with us 3 brats (Vini, Anu n Ani)

Before pregnancy the most fearful factor for me was the labor itself. I am a psychology student and we had a paper called 'Child Psychology'. Ms Shalini Aiyappa, Lecturer of Psychology at St Aloysius College who continues as our mentor till today, was our teacher. The IInd year degree had Child Development classes and the first chapter was Pregnancy and Child Birth. I am proud to say that I scored the highest in my IInd year Psychology paper, out of all the papers. In the 'Pregnancy and Child-Birth' chapter there was the first trimester part where we loosely mention about morning sickness. I had written in my answer sheet about this sickness and scored marks :).




Some of my relatives and friends had mentioned that lot of my pregnancy would be somewhat similar to my amma's pregnancy. She never puked, though she had nausea here and there. So the first time I puked, I was very excited as I had seen this in movies :) This made me feel pregnant in the truest sense. But within a week this made me feel nothing like a 'movie-star'. 24 hrs throwing up makes you feel like a hero in a way, for surviving it each time ;). First four months had been the worst. The car was filled with bags and water bottles. Every room had bags. It was tucked in between the couch and below the pillows. Indonesian peanut sauté of Noodles and Company was my favorite during the first two months till I started throwing it out. The frozen parathas with ripe mango, idli sambar(None of the Chicago restaurants had good ones BTW), banana chips, curd-rice with lemon pickle, salads etc were consumed like crazy. I loved spicy food as opposed to sweets. Potbelly sandwiches were my favorite which I had for many months. Ratheesh would ask me what I wanted to have for dinner, and after few days he stopped as he knew my answer :) Potbelly sandwiches, everything but mustard, mushrooms, Italian seasoning and easy on jalepenos.  I began eating depending on how easy was it to puke :P. Already under-weight me was just given one advice by the doctors, "Don't ever come here for dehydration".  So was consuming tons of water inspite of the nausea and vomiting, along with the multi-vitamins.

Ratheesh was in Chicago with a small project, hence the first 3 months was not as tough as it would have been, had he been traveling. Our weekly visits to Sudhir etan's home in the company of Preethi chichi, Satya Mema(Have to mention her timely reminders about food), Chandrappan (Reading Ramayanam), Dhruv and Megha , home-food by Anitha Aunty (Durga's Mother), the parcel of home-prepared Banana chips by Suneal appan and Asha Mema, Vijay being a messenger from Mangalore when my Amma, Acha and Viji sent all my favorite items etc just proved that I was not alone in this endeavor. They were all God sent. As soon as my third month was done Ratheesh got a project at Tennessee  so he was traveling and I was not yet done with my 'Nothing-morning-about-morning-sickness'. So I was staying with his cousin Dileep etan and Divya. As Valliamma and valliachan was there, so no dearth of home food again. I keep mentioning about food because even preparing rice was an ordeal :). Once I was back I was a new pregnant girl. I began cooking as I loved it and started preparing the dishes I loved. Nights during the week, I would walk to Lakshmy and Ajay's home as they did not want me alone at home. I remember calling Lakshmy all of a sudden for rice, and she would be at my doorstep within half hour. Their concern for me, gave Ratheesh and myself the confidence to let Ratheesh travel.

I am not sure if any of my other friends have experienced it or I am weird! Certain perfumes, TV shows etc made me pukish. Ratheesh would lose it sometimes when I would mention that I can smell something in this Mall and we had to leave. I was quite moody and would not talk to anyone much as I was already tired or wanted to spend time with myself. Daily calls to Amma and Viji was a must. Stopped talking to my Dad after he kept asking me to eat or when he got upset when he used to hear my breakfast diet of 'chocolate cereal with milk or bagel with strawberry cream cheese' answer daily. :D Did I already mention I was moody?!!??!?!?

I was eagerly waiting for my Amma's arrival on November 21, 2013. The night she came I slept content. I realized how much I missed her every time I looked at her. In spite of her painful elbows and hurting leg she traveled 7 seas to take care of me and the little one. This is the first time she is away from her hubby, and I will always remain indebted to her for this with a tint of guilt. Once she came it was idli, sambhar, chutney, macroni, charmuri, tea, cutlet and what not :) Doctors knew when she arrived looking at my weight.

One thing I learnt during these nine months was to listen to everyone but do what your body says, as our body knows the best. I remember when people were shocked that I was not drinking milk during the first 3 months as I could not and they would say its bad for the child if the mother does not drink milk etc. But during my 5th month my favorite was cereal with cold milk which I would have in the mornings and late nights etc.

I never read anything related to pregnancy on 'Internet' and neither did I google. Every time I was in doubt I messaged my long distance doctor, Dr Deepak Shedde, who knew my mind quite well. Every time I was upset or happy a message to Vivek Anna was a relief :) I was surrounded by angels so to say.

Everyone is different. Even a mother's and daughter's pregnancy will not be the same. Have faith in yourself and the little being growing within you.

Nine months passed in a whiff and every moment was worth a memory and mention.

Coming up: * First heart beat to first conversation...
                    * Baby Shower:Planned by me, and unplanned by Ratheesh :)

love
V

Polar Vortex, Water breaking and 16 hours of labor...

Since 3rd January itself the discussion was on, on how bad this winter is getting to. 6th January 2014 will be the worst, as the temperature will dip. I don't think it was a dip. It was a drown, a plunge. Here is a glimpse.

Courtesy: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/06/chicago-record-low-temperature_n_4548999.html

Snowman made by Amma and Myself 2 days before labor :)

Monday is officially a day for the record books in Chicago. The temperature at O'Hare hit 15 degrees below zero at 7 a.m. on Monday, breaking the previous record low for the date of 14 below, the Chicago Weather Center blog reports. The temperature dropped another degree, to 16 below, by 8. a.m. To make matters worse, the wind chill at O'Hare dropped as low as 42 degrees below zero and a wind chill warning remains in effect for the Chicago area through noon Tuesday.

The previous record low was set on both 1894 and 1988.

The city also will beat the record of the lowest high temperature ever recorded on Jan. 6 (previously: -1 degree) as it is all but certain the temperature will not top that all day Monday, the Weather Center reports. That record dates back to 1912.

As DNAinfo Chicago reports, the temperature of 16 below is colder than the 11 below temperature recorded at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station in Antarctica before 8.am.

So while this was happening outside, I was progressing inside :)

Since early 1 30 AM I started experiencing what was known as contractions. Even if I was not explained, I would have known. But I consoled myself saying its false contractions, and will go ahead with the morning appointment even if the weather is harsh as expected. I let Amma and Ratheesh sleep as just in case the day is THE day, they will need some rest and if its false then why bother them. But by 4 am I was not able to take it, so I go to Amma's room and ask her to prepare cumin water. It is said if its a usual stomach pain, it will go away. But mothers are mothers. She gets a hunch that it is going to be a real deal. She prepares water, gives it to me along with an apple and goes on to do Sudarshan Kriya instead of going back to sleep. I try to go back to sleep, tossing and turning. No relief from the pain. Around 5 37 AM when I turn I hear a pop sound, and I know water-broke. I check and I am too excited to confirm. Now I call Ratheesh who wakes up with a bang and asks me to call the Doctor on call, brushes quickly and leaves to remove the snow turned into ice. It was Dr Kuppuswami on call, which makes me happy. She tells me, its cold out there and to reach the hospital asap with water leaking and not to make it a water gush :)

I drink Ojasvita(A healthy Chocolate drink) and leave to Hospital, after packing the hospital bag,  which is 15 min away. By the time we go down at 6 am, Ratheesh is still trying to scrape off ice and my nose is frozen. I can feel a pricking sensation while breathing the frozen air. We sit in the car, and he tries to start until the car actually starts at the 3rd try. BTW only emergency vehicles are allowed on this day and Chicago is shutdown. We reach by 6 45 AM, a long drive indeed.

As soon I reach there and I get onto the bed my water breaks completely. I am strapped and we wait :-) I was on ice-chips and cold water and that very moment I wanted to gorge on so many things. Then when the going got tough hunger was tossed out.

I was busy skyping with Viji. We were finalizing the names for a girl as well as a boy, though my inner calling said its going to be a boy ;). Chanted Guru Puja and joked through most of the contractions.

The contractions was not as expected (remember I was joking part) so they induced me with the help of pitocin. It was imperative as I lost all the amniotic fluid and we had to keep the infections at bay. It did its job really well and quick. The contractions which were 5 minutes apart became one, every two minutes, all of a sudden. After a shot of epidural in the nth moment (They did not check my dilation before administering epidural which must have been  8 cm, as soon after epidural was given I was 9 cm dilated which took me and Ratheesh by surprise. I was ignorant of this fact, as I thought I was still at 3 or something). I relaxed for an hour before we began the pushing part. At 5 47 PM the hero aka Vedanth Ratheesh comes out literally with a bang :) as he slipped through before the Doctor could guide his shoulders. I tore badly, and had a 3rd degree tear, but it was all worth it at the end.

I would like to thank Dr Narmadha Kuppuswami, Kristi s'(Before and after nurses) and Belinda. They were amazing. I also thank Dr Patel, the anesthesiologist for being kind to the lady in labor ;)

With Vedanth around we continue our journey, with a page of our life turned...

I realized I needed to write it down somewhere as the memory of the labor is sort of fading away. I would not change any minute of the day even if I was given a chance as I lived every moment completely.


Love
V

Anuboothi.... A new beginning...

Hmmmm it has been ages since I blogged, but mind you, this blog has always been in my mind. An incident happens, and I note mentally to blog about it. But unfortunately manifestation does not happen as quickly :). It began with Upanishads, 9 months of pregnancy and a birth of a hero. There is a Chinese proverb which says, "There is only one pretty child in the World and every Mother has it." Yes! It is true. Vedanth was born. It was a surprise all the way, right from pregnancy to the gender of the baby till the day of his birth :-). That is what I love about Mother Nature. She knows the pulse of Human Beings, though we don't understand her.

A baby in the otherwise 2 people household is an overwhelming change. I remember looking at him for minutes and wondering, "Now what?". So now we go to the D-Day of his birth. To be honest most of my friends and relatives gave birth by 37 weeks to 38 weeks. So when 37th week appointment happened, Dr Narmada Kuppuswami (a gem of a doctor) said I guess you will go unto the due date and she even spoke of inducing after 41st week. I was seriously depressed as I started getting calls from all directions asking if the little one is here, why not? etc. I was a bit sensitive about these issues, so basically I was never on phone :P

I met all the three doctors of our practice and after 39th week appointment Dr Medha Amin (My favorite again) mentioned, "Will see you for the next appointment if you have not gone into labor." I gave a long sigh complaining to her as to why is the baby taking so much time? She beautifully explains that she would want the baby in the womb as much as possible as that is the safest and healthiest place for the little one, and let people tell what they want to. So we plan to wait for Jan 8, 2014 which is our due date. Every day I wake up thinking, 'Today is the day'. Christmas, New Year, 3rd Wedding Anniversary comes and goes, And I continue pregnant....

To be continued...

Veendum oru Vishu :-)

Relationships and festivals are the times when I have double joy on being born as an Indian! We Indians give equal importance to Culture, Relations as well as Food. The moment when all the three come together is known as 'Festival' which equals celebration. Sitting far away from my Motherland as well as Mother, my nostalgic feathers have already started floating around. Being a wife now, and Ratheesh, a lover of Sadhya (Feast) here I am making it special for Us. Someone had said it right, 'Marriages' can change everyone, in a good way of course.

Vishu Kani (The first sight of  our-self,the harvested items, flowers, light and the Lord, during the auspicious time of Brahma Muhurtham)  and Vishu Kaineetam (Token given my elders to the younger lot) are my favorite callings.
Here are some old photos of my native :-)

Vishu is the time when we reach back to our roots, back in Cheruthazam and Kannadi Paramb. The site of fully-blossomed fields, water rippling in the lakes and the insects and animals having a noisy time is music to one's soul. When my grandfathers' were here, all the things kept for Vishu Kani, is proudly produced in our fields. It is just like thanking the Mother-Nature for the gifts! Welcoming and thanking the grace of nature, filled with gratitude :).

Kani is arranged by the elders in the family. The fun part for us kids was going in search for Kani Konna. In order to induce the fun part, I personally feel, the tree has only flowers, but are above our reach. We cousins took our first step in team-work, negotiations, profit and loss, communication with the top management as well as climbing the ladders (literally) in our personal lives, from these from pre-days' of Vishu experience. We are always involved in Hit (with stones on to the flowers) and Run (Away, before the owners catch) cases.

                                                                    Kani Konna Poov :)

 Grandparents would ask us to have early dinner and sleep till the wee hours of morning. But that is the moment when we cousins lie down in verandah discussing, how to spend the money we would be earning. In layman terms it is also known as,counting the eggs before it hatches ;). An hour suddenly seemed to be made up of nearly hundred and fifty minutes. However the time arrives.

                                          The Kani arranged at my Ammavan's Place (Photo: Deepak Varma)

Kani is shown on age-basis. At Amma's place I adorn the crown of first grand-child :-) So my eyes are covered by wet hands of my Ammuma (maternal grandmother). That is the time when I realize how excited she is to surprise us. The moment I am made to sit in front of the Kani I am in awe. The gleam in my eyes! Ah! Memories!

                                     Busy preparing for the Sadhya ;-) (Viji kutty don't tell Ammuma ;-)

Ladies of the house get busy with the preparation for the main feast. The general jobs which I take up after, that mornings's collection (remember I had mentioned about Kaineetam. Yes! We don't trouble our elders, we go to them :-) is grating coconut or chopping easy vegetables or the most boring job of stirring non-stop! Grating coconut is a chore in itself. If this duty is done then the Sadhya is 3/4th done. However the interest decreases with the increasing number of coconuts :-( I know my Economics. I am ashamed to admit that Sadhyas' were never an enticing part of the festivals for me till I went to Mysore for my higher studies. I had taken Sadhya for granted. I apologize to her, for ill-treating her. Though, I don't think she would mind as she is loved and followed open-mouthed by many :). But I admit today, I love Sadhya!

This year for the first time I decided to step into my Amma's footsteps and adorn the cooking cap! I am sure once they see the photo of my result, along with their mouth even their eyes would water :'). Yes! my parents would be proud of me for sure :-) Oh my Pullinji(Sweet and sour ginger) is simmering on the stove and Payar Thoran (long beans) is ready to sizzle in the oil. Will get back as soon as possible!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year !!

Love
Vini

A Gift !!!!

Its so beautiful to see how one can become His instrument. Once we put our mind to rest and being there with the 'Presence' and you have a beautiful time. There are no words to express this feeling but the end result is what you will read along. I have been with G for long, yet it feels as though it just began. But I never did expressed, and here is the expression from Shrikanth (Appu) who gifted this beautiful work to me... Way to go... Keep penning more...

U Made ME,What I Am!!!

U Make Me think the Way U want,and Tell me thoughts are Meaningless ! 

U Make Me Lose My Senses,and tell me to be more sensitive ! 

U Make Me Broaden My Vision,and Tell me this is all an illusion ! 

U Take My Breath Away,and tell me to just Breathe... ! 

U Make Me a People's Person,and Tell me to be with My-self ! 

U Make Me go totally Crazy,and Tell me not to get Excited ! 

U Make Me Lose My Mind,and tell me to be Aware of it ! 

U Take My Belongings away,and put me where I Belong... ! 

U Make Me Laugh and Cry,and tell me Love is not an Emotion ! 

U Make Me get everything I want,and tell me I need Nothing ! 

U Make Me Fall in Love with U,and tell me I am U ! 

U Take Me everywhere with U,and make me feel soo Divine... !

YES! U were the one who made Me,and tell me it all just Happened !!  

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!n HAPPY 1st WEDDING ANNIVERSARY  ....I am not Sure whether this is something U give to a Couple...Make some sense out of this poem,so that this qualifies to b a Wedding Anniversary Gift....!!! Tell Ratheesh to give U a bigggg Hug from my side...

For a long time, i thought that was the day that Broke me...But now, i can proudly say that was the day that MADE ME!!!

What happens in Las Vegas, stays in my Blog!!!!

There is a popular saying, ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’. I thought there is no necessity of this adage. In fact there are realizations that can be helpful to us in the long run. Now Las Vegas is the place, which when mentioned itself, people go ga-ga. Thanks to the curiosity created by the adage mentioned. The whole post is high on ‘bias’ and is opinionated. Read it at your own risk and with less-expectations.

Las Vegas! We drove from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. 

The entry into the Nevada (State which hosts this city) is indicated by the outskirts casinos. The weather is very hot and dry, topped with hot and non-humid wind tingling the city every now and then, till about  one early morning. The city is filled to brim with lights, smoke (Read: Nicotine), semi-clad people, and casinos. The moment I entered the vicinity of the area, I already felt, ‘This is it????’. Casino is a place where people gamble, some for fun, some for the sake of fun. The crowd is surprisingly amazing. Globalization = Las Vegas. People from all over the world, come with their baggage here, testing their luck. I have seen new-born babies, pregnant ladies, handicapped people, blind man, saree-clad aunty, old men and women who are finding it difficult to read the menus too trying their luck here. Watching them itself can get addictive.

The things I learnt from Vegas:

·         There are n number of casinos, owned and managed by different people. All casino hotels are different, look-wise as well as attraction wise, though the casino in real-sense everywhere is the same. They have brought the attractions of the whole world, to this place. For instance, there is an Eiffel Tower, in the casino called Paris, which is an amazing attempt. There are Gondola Rides, in Venetian Casino, and even a Statue of Liberty. They are cashing on the attractions.

Lesson: I need to be grateful and proud of the world I live in.

The casinos are not as much run by competition. You ask any casino, the information of the other one, they would oblige with detailed information and in fact many of them volunteered to go and enjoy the other ones. While in ‘Paris’, they gave us information about ‘Venetian’.

Lesson: Competing with others can lead to bankruptcy. Yeah! Las Vegas is the city, because of which Nevada has never known what is bankruptcy . When we lend a hand and support others, it does not mean pushing our talents down. Talents shine better.

None of them have the same attractions. It is sort of like delegated work. Every casino is unique so there is no sense of negative competition seen or felt during interaction.

Lesson: Know what I am good at, for my betterment. Delegating work, is good for me in the long run, if at all I feel, in shorter run it is taxing on the credits I am earning. Remember the -sharpening the axe by wood-cutter story.

People who stay in Las Vegas rarely gamble as they know the ill-effects of them -shared byNiccolas, the gondola rider, during our conversation. He gambles once every six months for maximum $30 and regrets it, every six months :).

All places have lessons to be told. It depends on me, if I am open to learning. The moment I landed here, I knew I would be taken care of, as I was here to experience something new. I am a pure-vegetarian. But I got amazing vegetarian food everywhere I went. I did not gamble, drink or smoke but I had enough and more fun, minus the hangover and after-effects. I met new people, saw that same things can be seen from a different perspective.

A new page has been added to my book, rich by experience and observation, and attitude-polishing. Ratheesh said this to me during the initial headache I had, “Why are you feeling it’s a negative place, you can always add positivity to it.” So I So-Hummed above the Casino J.

You made me...Me :)

I don't remember the first day, when I even glanced at you or held you in my hands. The earliest memories of you, was in our famous 'Doctor uncle' veetil, when you would push the stool in the room, throughout the home, making the screechy noise, or hold the window-grill, while Amma attempting to feed you, or even better, when Amma put us both in the grey cradle so that we do not slide off. You were there, a cute, cuddly, round, bundle of joy :)

Then we come to the famous Blue veetil (I can see your smile). My cutie-pie's memory would be the crow pecking on your finger, as you were again near the window-sill, holding on to the idli and dancing. Remember my famous Monappa Ice-cream eating class :)

Then our family progressed to new home. Our home in 1993. We had so much fun and memories associated with our trip to Dubai and our short but great stay. You were more of this sharing kind, I realized. Dad used to give you money for your snack and you would buy snacks, Yes! but not eat them. Why? So that you can share it with your mother and sister. You would always save money, so that we kids can use it during 'Our Rainy Day.' Then we land in Mangalore, where our craziness grew by leaps and bounds. Whatever endeavor or madness I took up, you always were a part. Extreme fights :)(Reference: Vinu etan and hangers), extreme love (Reference: when we would end up supporting each other.), extreme fear (Reference: I cannot enter your room nah), extreme sorrow (Reference: Ammuma leaving us and also in a way me in US). Extreme beauty (Reference: Your middle cupboard).

There are so many things we shared, so may things we cared for. We created our own small world around us, which only we both could understand, we dream in.There are times when we lost cool, we cried, we laughed, we ate, we drank, we walked, we played, we roamed, we attended courses, we make-uped :) (Late night snack, google talk, Charmuri, Panipuri, shopping, movies, Mysore surprise, Chayanna meetings, our quick birthday surprises, you relishing my half-cooked curries etc etc) all with STYLE.

You added a new dimension in my life. I learnt to care and share from you.... I learnt compassion and dedication from you. You taught me how a person can be creative and patient.... Many more... Know that you are valued and u are this extra precious crazy gem in my life, whom I treasure. I love Nature, for having given you...to me :)

Happy Birthday to you!!!! I love you :)

What is Cooking???

How I combat my boredom? This is not a mystery anymore :) The mornings go so busy busy, that I feel Ratheesh has more time than me :P This is the time for myself and my connection with the outer world (Read: Internet) and also the Inner World (Read: Sadhna). Once both the above is done, I start cooking. I never liked cooking. I was a 'Tea' and "Maggi' Girl. That experience stopped me from cooking, at home. I still remember in my 5th Std, when Amma taught me to prepare tea and prepared it for my Hero,'Acha'. He loved it... and since then it was my responsibility to do it everyday. After few days, I felt I can take up better responsibilities :P and chucked this job off by experimenting easier ways to prepare something as simple as 'TEA'. I did :) and I loved. But we still liked Amma's Tea :) better.

I hated cooking. My dad has always said, never use such strong words. (Viji: wink...wink) Instead of the term hate, we can term it as 'I don't like'. Well said! But I hated cooking. Amma 1 was always there at home, and when she was not available, Acha entered the portals of kitchen and I loved it. After marriage, Amma 2 was always there preparing yummy stuffs for us kids :) so I never got the chance to do anything or may I say, I did not want to. I only prepared 'Biriyani'. That was a Holy Ritual for me, which Shilpa akka had taught me and I am her Best Student too.

I had prepared my would-be, very well, about my cooking. Viji was the one who used to bear direct consequences of MY cooking. If she likes, then I do not even care about Tarla Dalal lady or The Sanjeev Kapoor's opinions. I used to serve her in time, and give her a tip, mostly like, 'The potatoes could have been cooked more.' She would nod, like a stiff examiner and give a big Sigh..!!!

 I would look at her with this pleading eyes and she would say, Its okey :) That was like getting selected for a  MD merit seat, without even having to apply :):):) Bingo...!!!! She would repeat this stuff directly to her Jiju and both would have a laugh.

Ratheesh was not that expectations kind of guy, so he thought I was reaaallly bad. How rude !!!! So when I prepared Rasam on the day I arrived he was, excited and really loved it. Then I too began enjoying my experiments and love each and every moment of it. From a 'chore', it has become a 'hobby' for me, and people have started relishing it too. 

Now that is a Feather in my Cap :) and as I end it, I say thanks to Amma 1, Amma 2, Shilpa Akka, Achan, Ratheesh, Viji and of course all the food sites in the Google.. I bow down in front of you...

Love
Me

Amma can never be wrong....

Amma... There has not been a day since many years, where I have not thought about this amazing lady... just like how Shalini ma'am puts it, Mothers are different. They are!! We are best of friends... The way we talk, gossip, sing n what not. It was during my degree when I BECAME CLOSE to her, as she was always close to me :)  I remember when one day I came home, wanting to cry and I hugged her and started...Though I was so confused at the whole scene... I let it be...since then I have always looked back and seen how much I have grown in it.

I don't know from where she gets this confidence in me. She very well knows I will always share anything. I seriously do not have any secrets hidden from Amma and Ratheesh. Right from not having lunch till my crushes and eventual crushings of them, she knows it all. I even share non-veg jokes with her, and when Che-Che scene comes on TV, me and Viji go..."Amma close your eyes!!!" and she goes, you all not supposed to watch.

Since wedding, am happy it had grown by leaps and bounds. Sometimes I wonder how I got easily amalgamated into this Institution called 'marriage'? When I have grown up seeing this amazing lady with lots of patience, selflessness, courage, love, humility and many more..How can I not show similar signs...??!?!?

She is my Achan's pillar of strength as well as his weakness. He completed his Degree after wedding and owes it all to this lady. With a salary of Rs 250, she never complained. She was there for him. My eyes become misty when it comes to her... She is Her, that's what I like about her and above all an amazing wife, beautiful mother, responsible daughter, innocent sister, loving aunty and amazing FRIEND and My First Guru. Love you....

Am I ?

Just like how a Dubai returned guy is entertained to a question he dreads, last month was my turn. It was just that, "When are you leaving ?" is replaced by, "What do you do at home ?" and "How do you pass time?" Ratheesh smiles when I get to answer such questions because I have always acted the conversation out to him. Yesterday it stuck me :)
During our courtship days I was very busy. 'Very' seems to be a small word here. Teaching and travelling distances was an every day affair :) So whenever Ratheesh called, it was always "Busy" phone. He told me, that I would be seriously bored and would hate it here. So be prepared. Same thing was repeated to me, by my cousins and friends who had gone through this phase. Hmmmmmmmm

Learning:
 I decided that once I land at Chicago, I am going to feel thoroughly bored. My whole aim and purpose here is to feel bored. Thats it!!! Till now not even a day has come, to the amazement of my Amma, Achan, Ratheesh when I actually told them, "I AM BORED." (Touch wood ***)


This I realised, boils down to the fact that, what you resist, PERSISTS. 


Stop for now :)


Love 
me

Chennai- Abudhabi- Chicago

Leaving alone the bouts of climate meeting our general health, I can proudly say, we both have successfully transformed a 'Good House' to a 'Beautiful Abode'. My favourite play during my childhood was House-House, where in, my sister and myself would be running a household, dually for about 2 hours, until our father comes home for lunch, in person :). I used to always wonder how it is to run, be a part of good (our home, shopping, preparing, taking charge) as well as headache (finance, budget, early morning getting ups etc) items be...

The moment I stepped into the Chennai Airport with both my set of parents right beside me, I had this eerie feeling of, 'will I be able to'. I was pampered in the airport. Thanks to Raghavendra Uncle, Achan's friend who took me directly to security check - Much to the dismay of the people standing in long Qs for the emmigration stamp. Lovely! Business Class flight for the sobbing Vini !!! Thanks to Surya (My SIL) and her friend who upgraded my seat. My trip to Abu Dhabi was really short :( My stopover at Abu Dhabi was short and sweet. Alice in wonderland, where I took my own time to explore the nook and corners of Abu Dhabi Duty Free and observe everything around. Timings! You want Indian time, UAE or Chicago timings ?!!!???$%^&&*

My Chicago Flight. With six movies and awesome food, Kriya and many rounds of Nadishodhans, the 16 hour flight was awesomely boring. Transcending boredom was seriously not possible. Desperation to reach Chicago sank in, as going back was not possible. By the time it was time to get down, I was so tired and non-passionate of all the things around.

But the wait and boredom was worth it. The anxiety and relief was seen in the eyes of my hubby, Ratheesh. He had no words and dutifully obliged to hear my side of Mahabharath. It was COLD out there. Not JUST COLD.Get it? It became warm, as soon as I saw the  Limo coming into the pathway to pick us. My romantic husband had arranged for the same. This was my time to be silent....

Rest will continue.....

Oh!!!! Yes!!!

Am married???!!! Yeah! Still wondering if it has happened, largely in the positive sense. This is because have been continuing with 'my' life beautifully amalgamated to 'our' life. There has been certain changes which is so beautiful to make. During this period I realised, marriage is so much about accepting the similarity and enjoying the differences. I have been travelling and getting to know so much and realised so much more is there to know. Would be flying off to US in a matter of few days. Another beautiful family is being added to my 'I wish I need not have to leave them' LIST.... More to come soon....

Love
Vini

Random Thoughts in the most random way

It was a beautiful ride since long. There has been fun, frolic, love and disappointment. But all led to ultimate joy. Yeah got engaged!!!! Will write about this when I am in those mushy-mushy atmosphere. Right now its official vacation for me, kids are back home. The emptiness of not meeting them has already set in. Realized that life teaches me a lesson, through people. I am always gifted with people and situations the moment I want to learn a lesson or the life wants to teach  me one. (PS: Its always the latter part.) :) Recently, Almas, Saji, Shantha Miss and myself had been to Coffee Day, just to wile away our time. Started talking, gossiping and sharing subtle truths on how life takes a turn after every milestone. Whether it is an engagement, marriage, birth of a kid or even the first day of schooling for that tiny-tot.
I will be stepping into a new family, new culture, traditions, relationship etc. The only prayer from my side is, 'I got to be natural.' The beautiful experience of having two families to back on is actually nice. Small wavy jitters have set in. But as Saji puts in, 'Almas and myself will be Bindaas.'

Who is a volunteer?

One who comes to help, without being asked to help; one who is self-motivated, inspired, becomes a volunteer.

There is the possibility of the inspirational motivation going down in a volunteer, which could bring frustration.

Usually volunteers come from the space of demand rather than humility; this dilutes the quality.

Another slack that could happen to a volunteer is that they could slip away from commitment, thinking there is no boss“ "If I like it, I do it; if I dont like it, I dont!" It is like the steering wheel of a car if all the tires say they do not need steering, then the car cannot run smoothly. If you want to construct a building, you have to accept the authority of the structural engineer.

All these can only be overcome by being more grounded in spiritual knowledge. A volunteer devoid of spiritual dimension is utterly weak.

1) A volunteer needs to stick to his commitment.
2) The integrity in a volunteer comes from spiritual practices.
3) The authority needs to be acknowledged.
4) The strength of a volunteer comes from the challenges he is ready to willingly face.
5) A volunteer moves beyond boundaries as he finds he is capable of doing so many things he never ever thought of doing.
6) A true volunteer does not expect appreciation or reward.
7) A volunteer has such a joy that joy, itself, comes as the reward.
8) If a volunteer thinks he is obliging somebody, he is thoroughly mistaken. He is volunteering because he derives so much joy out of it.

The joy is immediate it does not come on the first of every month in the form of a salary!

When a volunteer realizes this, he is filled with gratitude.

When a volunteer waivers from within, the support system is knowledge and good friends.

- Sri Sri

|| Jai Guru Dev ||

Junk!

Being of marriagable age is a not so cool time. If it was just me and parents ultimate decision, it would have been okey. The general tendency turns into feverishness, as age is increasing. Just because some of them got married before 22, that does not mean I need to.They have done many things I haven't and vice-versa. How can I compromise on things which are dear to me. It is infact the best for the world out there.For instance: A pure-veg groom. Am I asking a lot?? No!
The stupidity exhibition are as follows:
# The people who look out alliances for their kids, they need pure vegetarian people, and for others kids, why pure vegetarians???
# It is so difficult to get one in today's world.
# We must be ready to compromise on certain things.
# We are girls side.SoWhat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cut out the crap and leave me alone. I wish i could say so. Hate interferences which even my parents cannot say no. You know other reasons, you can add on....