SAHM: Thankless Endeavor (For me )

Being a Stay at Home Mother (SAHM) was not a choice. But it happened as I am not allowed to work due to the Visa limitations in this country. I might have chosen to be a SAHM after the birth of V. May be?! Who knows.

Being a SAHM is very taxing to my brain. I am always planning. I am planning what to cook, when to eat, what to buy, when to clean, when to wash, when to vacuum, when to feed, when to give him a bath, when to put him to sleep, when to wake him up, when to play, what to play, what to watch, when to poop and what not. Every step I take my mind is running, so that I know the next second would be comfortable for the little one or his dad. All these things get done in a routine of its own through multi-tasking.

Prepping is an important part of motherhood. I make my cutting, chopping, soaking, cleaning etc in advance so that I need not do the taxing-my-brain part, I mentioned earlier. But this  involves thinking. I have what is called a mommy brain, where in I forget important stuffs, but not the silly things. Every time I sit to eat, V either drops his food, bumps his head, falls down or wants to poop or invariably wants to have what I am having and finds it spicy and there I go washing his hand , mouth and face. Cutting my finger and burning my hand, having headaches and forgetting something important is a common thing which I learnt to forgive myself for.

Me time is a fantasy. I sit with my phone in the bathroom, not with any purpose. There has to be a knock asking me where something is or 'Amma, please come out and play'. My baths are 3 minutes, Its not a joke. If i take more then that, it means V is sleeping and I want a break.  I have always felt being sick, can be draining. No! Have you had a sick child? Nothing more weary then that. Irony is I am sad that he is not his running, happy, never-tired kid. Moms life :)

In between all this, where am I appreciated? Where are my needs met? Where are my compromises respected or made note of? Where is my sickness afforded? Its like how in an office when you are always regular no one notices, but 2 days you are late or leave early, everyone frowns. I did that. I have taken a holiday of sorts, when i did not even make my bed or keep the cup away. But it was just too much work the next day, so eventually I stopped.

Yeah! Sometimes I become that needy nagging woman, when I am ready to breakdown. I seriously keep my mom-crown to the side and let go. But the perfectionist in me starts to workout again and I take the ride...

Regards
v

Vedu Chronicles - Little Helper

Organizing and cleaning my home and room has been my forte. A cluttered room causes unrest in me. But that does not mean my home or room is always clean.

With V's birth I realized how messy a home can get, how busy I can be and how finicky I am about clean home. Till he was two there were two things I could not come to terms with- I will not be getting my 7-8 hrs undisturbed sleep and a clean home for 1 hr. The interrupted meals due to baby crying, eating, shitting etc are just bonus. But the first too were just too much. It's only after his 2nd birthday I realized that not accepting and coming to terms with it were causing too much stress in me. 

It began fun with this toddler helping in folding clothes, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming , chopping veggies, stirring pots and pans, emptying dish washer ! These two little legs and hands became busy body trying to impress me. It was fun to sit back and see him following the routine which he unconsciously was observing me.

For instance last night I was washing utensils and this little one wanted me to read him the night time book. I told him 10 minutes and he went away. He comes back with the broom and starts sweeping the kitchen floor, emptying the dust pan and getting his water bottle for a refill. He did not do anything the way I wanted to but the very thought he put behind it filled me up with joy.

The one thought which has always crossed my mind is to make V realize that there is no women chores and men chores. He has seen that at home so I am sure this will not be a daunting task for me to carry. My acha has always helped Amma in his little ways and same with R during weekends when he is home he does his share. The enlisting of chores at home made sense in olden ages with men were out working and ladies stayed back home. Now when both of them are working whether at home or out there, this nullifies the division of work. 

I witnessed this situation at a person's home, when a boy wants to help and mother does not give him any job but the sister is asked to sweep the verandah. And Aunty told me, "He is a boy." I was stunned. That does not make him any special as both of them were studying for their exams. Just like how they ask does the girl know to cook, why not ask the same question in reverse? Does she know to take care of home? Does he know too?

Love

V

(I don't edit my post after writing :) So forgive me for the errors I did not intend on making.)

Rains, Tea, Routine and Little star...

With the rain comes this innate desire to sip a hot cup of tea. Yes! Its raining heavily with the company of thunder and lightning. I love it when the brightness in nature dips giving us a forecast of heavy rains on its way. A tea-addict that I am, what more does one need. Ambience is set. Vedanth is busy rowing his make-shift boat of a diaper carton and having a whale of a time. I love it when he plays on his own, not only does it give me time to finish off my chores or just sit, but it also blossoms his creativity whole bound. He talks to his imaginary friends and includes all the people who has been mentioned or been in his life. The moment he sees me, then it goes, boom!

Having a toddler running around is one thing which keeps me in the moment and yet my mind goes like a planner. I have to accept that it indeed is tiring as Vedanth is yet to sleep through the night and wakes up like the Sun. He better continue this to his schooling days :) The waking up I meant. And then making bed, listening to him talk-talk, brushing my teeth first so that he has time to observe me doing it, so it becomes less war-ish to brush his, and getting the breakfast ready, having it, cleaning the area, skyping back home and then is when Mr Vedanth begins his play. I go on to chat with amma, prepare a cup of tea and listen to her, watch her cook, or exchange the gossips of the day... then I start cooking, with tips and tweaks from her and she goes off to sleep. Then chat with either my sister, other family or friends back in India. It is funny how a conversation can decide the mood of the day.  Mornings I am on India timings.

Evenings are kind of laid back. This is the time when I do my spiritual practice, which may be a 10 min meditation or a 40 min (Sudarshan Kriya and some yoga). These minutes are properly overseen by my busy toddler, who find his mother more lovely, then other times, as I am showered with kisses, hugs and calls of Amma! Amma! until I open my eyes and look at him and smile :) Hey! Atleast something is better than nothing ... Thats my policy. This has helped me put a check on my temper, energized my system and have a jolly day in totality. I try to squeeze in reading too in-between all this, as I love reading and don't want to loose touch with it ...

So now over to my son, who has moved on to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star :)

Love
V

Stereotypes at its High- a vent!

As a couple when we step into the next turn of our life as parents, along with everything comes the stereotypes associated with 'parenthood'. Right from the period of pregnancy, through the labor and afterwards,R has been a very involved and all encompassing husband along with being a dotting father. The very fact that he did not want me to go to India for my delivery owing to his consulting job and absence throughout the week, so that he can be there when lil V makes his entry to the world says a lot about him as a person. Touchwood!

The amount of stereotypes we faced here in USofA was comparatively minimum as opposed to India.  Swaddling the baby, putting him in the car-seat, getting him home, putting him to sleep, wakeful nights, changing diapers, being spat at, being pooped on etc has been jointly experienced by both of us. Lil V has been quite an active baby especially in the night. So it gave us ample of opportunities to work together ;)

I remember an instance in India when the basic conditioning glared at me. It was a busy day with everyone shopping and chatting away at a marriage home. Owing to the change of environment, the number of people and being sick, lil V was quite cranky. After feeding him, R said to me that he would put him to sleep. I agreed and V slept off. As soon as I come out one of the relatives comment that, 'Oh! Does R put V to sleep always?' to which I smilingly reply 'Sometimes :)'. That evening R too decides to go shopping with everyone when one of the other relative taunts if Vini will be able to manage the baby all alone as R will not be there to change his diaper or put him to sleep. I am not sure if it was my hormones or my short-temperedness, I got very angry, but chose to be silent.

But this got me thinking. Everytime I mention to them R is bathing the baby or putting the baby to sleep, the next conclusion drawn is, "What do I do then?".............. a vent, as I mentioned :)

Ventful

V

Morning sickness- A big Lie

I never thought that the previous write-up would be so fun-a-read. Many of my friends messaged me their birth stories, and I realized that only when told would it remain. Every birth is a story in itself. Thank you all for encouraging me to blog.

Shalini Ma'am with us 3 brats (Vini, Anu n Ani)

Before pregnancy the most fearful factor for me was the labor itself. I am a psychology student and we had a paper called 'Child Psychology'. Ms Shalini Aiyappa, Lecturer of Psychology at St Aloysius College who continues as our mentor till today, was our teacher. The IInd year degree had Child Development classes and the first chapter was Pregnancy and Child Birth. I am proud to say that I scored the highest in my IInd year Psychology paper, out of all the papers. In the 'Pregnancy and Child-Birth' chapter there was the first trimester part where we loosely mention about morning sickness. I had written in my answer sheet about this sickness and scored marks :).




Some of my relatives and friends had mentioned that lot of my pregnancy would be somewhat similar to my amma's pregnancy. She never puked, though she had nausea here and there. So the first time I puked, I was very excited as I had seen this in movies :) This made me feel pregnant in the truest sense. But within a week this made me feel nothing like a 'movie-star'. 24 hrs throwing up makes you feel like a hero in a way, for surviving it each time ;). First four months had been the worst. The car was filled with bags and water bottles. Every room had bags. It was tucked in between the couch and below the pillows. Indonesian peanut sauté of Noodles and Company was my favorite during the first two months till I started throwing it out. The frozen parathas with ripe mango, idli sambar(None of the Chicago restaurants had good ones BTW), banana chips, curd-rice with lemon pickle, salads etc were consumed like crazy. I loved spicy food as opposed to sweets. Potbelly sandwiches were my favorite which I had for many months. Ratheesh would ask me what I wanted to have for dinner, and after few days he stopped as he knew my answer :) Potbelly sandwiches, everything but mustard, mushrooms, Italian seasoning and easy on jalepenos.  I began eating depending on how easy was it to puke :P. Already under-weight me was just given one advice by the doctors, "Don't ever come here for dehydration".  So was consuming tons of water inspite of the nausea and vomiting, along with the multi-vitamins.

Ratheesh was in Chicago with a small project, hence the first 3 months was not as tough as it would have been, had he been traveling. Our weekly visits to Sudhir etan's home in the company of Preethi chichi, Satya Mema(Have to mention her timely reminders about food), Chandrappan (Reading Ramayanam), Dhruv and Megha , home-food by Anitha Aunty (Durga's Mother), the parcel of home-prepared Banana chips by Suneal appan and Asha Mema, Vijay being a messenger from Mangalore when my Amma, Acha and Viji sent all my favorite items etc just proved that I was not alone in this endeavor. They were all God sent. As soon as my third month was done Ratheesh got a project at Tennessee  so he was traveling and I was not yet done with my 'Nothing-morning-about-morning-sickness'. So I was staying with his cousin Dileep etan and Divya. As Valliamma and valliachan was there, so no dearth of home food again. I keep mentioning about food because even preparing rice was an ordeal :). Once I was back I was a new pregnant girl. I began cooking as I loved it and started preparing the dishes I loved. Nights during the week, I would walk to Lakshmy and Ajay's home as they did not want me alone at home. I remember calling Lakshmy all of a sudden for rice, and she would be at my doorstep within half hour. Their concern for me, gave Ratheesh and myself the confidence to let Ratheesh travel.

I am not sure if any of my other friends have experienced it or I am weird! Certain perfumes, TV shows etc made me pukish. Ratheesh would lose it sometimes when I would mention that I can smell something in this Mall and we had to leave. I was quite moody and would not talk to anyone much as I was already tired or wanted to spend time with myself. Daily calls to Amma and Viji was a must. Stopped talking to my Dad after he kept asking me to eat or when he got upset when he used to hear my breakfast diet of 'chocolate cereal with milk or bagel with strawberry cream cheese' answer daily. :D Did I already mention I was moody?!!??!?!?

I was eagerly waiting for my Amma's arrival on November 21, 2013. The night she came I slept content. I realized how much I missed her every time I looked at her. In spite of her painful elbows and hurting leg she traveled 7 seas to take care of me and the little one. This is the first time she is away from her hubby, and I will always remain indebted to her for this with a tint of guilt. Once she came it was idli, sambhar, chutney, macroni, charmuri, tea, cutlet and what not :) Doctors knew when she arrived looking at my weight.

One thing I learnt during these nine months was to listen to everyone but do what your body says, as our body knows the best. I remember when people were shocked that I was not drinking milk during the first 3 months as I could not and they would say its bad for the child if the mother does not drink milk etc. But during my 5th month my favorite was cereal with cold milk which I would have in the mornings and late nights etc.

I never read anything related to pregnancy on 'Internet' and neither did I google. Every time I was in doubt I messaged my long distance doctor, Dr Deepak Shedde, who knew my mind quite well. Every time I was upset or happy a message to Vivek Anna was a relief :) I was surrounded by angels so to say.

Everyone is different. Even a mother's and daughter's pregnancy will not be the same. Have faith in yourself and the little being growing within you.

Nine months passed in a whiff and every moment was worth a memory and mention.

Coming up: * First heart beat to first conversation...
                    * Baby Shower:Planned by me, and unplanned by Ratheesh :)

love
V

Polar Vortex, Water breaking and 16 hours of labor...

Since 3rd January itself the discussion was on, on how bad this winter is getting to. 6th January 2014 will be the worst, as the temperature will dip. I don't think it was a dip. It was a drown, a plunge. Here is a glimpse.

Courtesy: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/06/chicago-record-low-temperature_n_4548999.html

Snowman made by Amma and Myself 2 days before labor :)

Monday is officially a day for the record books in Chicago. The temperature at O'Hare hit 15 degrees below zero at 7 a.m. on Monday, breaking the previous record low for the date of 14 below, the Chicago Weather Center blog reports. The temperature dropped another degree, to 16 below, by 8. a.m. To make matters worse, the wind chill at O'Hare dropped as low as 42 degrees below zero and a wind chill warning remains in effect for the Chicago area through noon Tuesday.

The previous record low was set on both 1894 and 1988.

The city also will beat the record of the lowest high temperature ever recorded on Jan. 6 (previously: -1 degree) as it is all but certain the temperature will not top that all day Monday, the Weather Center reports. That record dates back to 1912.

As DNAinfo Chicago reports, the temperature of 16 below is colder than the 11 below temperature recorded at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station in Antarctica before 8.am.

So while this was happening outside, I was progressing inside :)

Since early 1 30 AM I started experiencing what was known as contractions. Even if I was not explained, I would have known. But I consoled myself saying its false contractions, and will go ahead with the morning appointment even if the weather is harsh as expected. I let Amma and Ratheesh sleep as just in case the day is THE day, they will need some rest and if its false then why bother them. But by 4 am I was not able to take it, so I go to Amma's room and ask her to prepare cumin water. It is said if its a usual stomach pain, it will go away. But mothers are mothers. She gets a hunch that it is going to be a real deal. She prepares water, gives it to me along with an apple and goes on to do Sudarshan Kriya instead of going back to sleep. I try to go back to sleep, tossing and turning. No relief from the pain. Around 5 37 AM when I turn I hear a pop sound, and I know water-broke. I check and I am too excited to confirm. Now I call Ratheesh who wakes up with a bang and asks me to call the Doctor on call, brushes quickly and leaves to remove the snow turned into ice. It was Dr Kuppuswami on call, which makes me happy. She tells me, its cold out there and to reach the hospital asap with water leaking and not to make it a water gush :)

I drink Ojasvita(A healthy Chocolate drink) and leave to Hospital, after packing the hospital bag,  which is 15 min away. By the time we go down at 6 am, Ratheesh is still trying to scrape off ice and my nose is frozen. I can feel a pricking sensation while breathing the frozen air. We sit in the car, and he tries to start until the car actually starts at the 3rd try. BTW only emergency vehicles are allowed on this day and Chicago is shutdown. We reach by 6 45 AM, a long drive indeed.

As soon I reach there and I get onto the bed my water breaks completely. I am strapped and we wait :-) I was on ice-chips and cold water and that very moment I wanted to gorge on so many things. Then when the going got tough hunger was tossed out.

I was busy skyping with Viji. We were finalizing the names for a girl as well as a boy, though my inner calling said its going to be a boy ;). Chanted Guru Puja and joked through most of the contractions.

The contractions was not as expected (remember I was joking part) so they induced me with the help of pitocin. It was imperative as I lost all the amniotic fluid and we had to keep the infections at bay. It did its job really well and quick. The contractions which were 5 minutes apart became one, every two minutes, all of a sudden. After a shot of epidural in the nth moment (They did not check my dilation before administering epidural which must have been  8 cm, as soon after epidural was given I was 9 cm dilated which took me and Ratheesh by surprise. I was ignorant of this fact, as I thought I was still at 3 or something). I relaxed for an hour before we began the pushing part. At 5 47 PM the hero aka Vedanth Ratheesh comes out literally with a bang :) as he slipped through before the Doctor could guide his shoulders. I tore badly, and had a 3rd degree tear, but it was all worth it at the end.

I would like to thank Dr Narmadha Kuppuswami, Kristi s'(Before and after nurses) and Belinda. They were amazing. I also thank Dr Patel, the anesthesiologist for being kind to the lady in labor ;)

With Vedanth around we continue our journey, with a page of our life turned...

I realized I needed to write it down somewhere as the memory of the labor is sort of fading away. I would not change any minute of the day even if I was given a chance as I lived every moment completely.


Love
V

Anuboothi.... A new beginning...

Hmmmm it has been ages since I blogged, but mind you, this blog has always been in my mind. An incident happens, and I note mentally to blog about it. But unfortunately manifestation does not happen as quickly :). It began with Upanishads, 9 months of pregnancy and a birth of a hero. There is a Chinese proverb which says, "There is only one pretty child in the World and every Mother has it." Yes! It is true. Vedanth was born. It was a surprise all the way, right from pregnancy to the gender of the baby till the day of his birth :-). That is what I love about Mother Nature. She knows the pulse of Human Beings, though we don't understand her.

A baby in the otherwise 2 people household is an overwhelming change. I remember looking at him for minutes and wondering, "Now what?". So now we go to the D-Day of his birth. To be honest most of my friends and relatives gave birth by 37 weeks to 38 weeks. So when 37th week appointment happened, Dr Narmada Kuppuswami (a gem of a doctor) said I guess you will go unto the due date and she even spoke of inducing after 41st week. I was seriously depressed as I started getting calls from all directions asking if the little one is here, why not? etc. I was a bit sensitive about these issues, so basically I was never on phone :P

I met all the three doctors of our practice and after 39th week appointment Dr Medha Amin (My favorite again) mentioned, "Will see you for the next appointment if you have not gone into labor." I gave a long sigh complaining to her as to why is the baby taking so much time? She beautifully explains that she would want the baby in the womb as much as possible as that is the safest and healthiest place for the little one, and let people tell what they want to. So we plan to wait for Jan 8, 2014 which is our due date. Every day I wake up thinking, 'Today is the day'. Christmas, New Year, 3rd Wedding Anniversary comes and goes, And I continue pregnant....

To be continued...